Fuck Me, I Found Rupert Friend Part 2: The Let…



To be delivered to Rupert upon my death or if I’ve had too much tequila. 

Rupert —

So I guess I was in the loo and we never met. I’m not one for words, but they’re coming now.

I don’t believe in fate or destiny or horoscopes, but I can’t say I’m surprised things turned out this way — I did have a full bladder due to several glasses of wine at dinner. I definitely felt that was kinda pulling me into the bathroom after Nina’s play. Does that makes sense? Yeah, of course it does. Duh. But I wasn’t allowed a real meeting or even a picture, that was for my friends who peed before the show started. But with you I thought… ah maybe, just maybe I’d get a second chance. But I know now that you were a false glimmer. (Well, not really a glimmer but more of a black blob since all I can remember from that night is the back of your black leather jacket. Great jacket by the way.) Anyway, I’m used to those, the false glimmers, hell, I used to watch Homeland for fuck’s sake. But this got to me, and here’s the thing, not meeting you is exactly what should’ve happened. I never wanted it, I never fuckin’ asked for it. (Well, it’s not that I didn’t want to meet you but you’re you and I’m me and I was catatonic at the time and probably would have just grunted or said something completely incoherent even though I’m actually a smart person with an important job and kids and am politically active and love the arts and music and films and have real friends…but I digress.)  

Findmyrupertfriend.com still has me now, so don’t write some dumb tweet (or do actually, because you can be super funny). Just think of me as a light on your fan blog (or just kinda lit), a beacon, who steered you clear of an awkward interaction with a shy, but also sweet and lovely yet slightly intoxicated fan.

I love you. (In a purely realistic way where I know it’s one sided and based completely on the characters you play and your off-screen persona and your incredible good looks.)

Your devoted fan for always now.


I’m about to board a plane. If I don’t make it, you guys know what to do. ✈️

Hope there’s tequila on the plane. 🥃🥃🥃🥃